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Thursday, December 13, 2012

...the pregnancy test...

Today G said that she was surprised that I was going to blog about this because it is so...personal.  But, I don't find it so much personal as just a story.  I will spare you all of the gory details ('cause unfortunately some have already been subjected to those), and tell you the rest.

It is kind of amazing what the power of suggestion can do to a mind and body.  On a pretty continual basis, I have diagnosed myself with something or another.  Any given day I may have brain caner/tumor, diabetes (again), breast cancer, bi-polar, ADD, etc.  Yesterday, before I talked to the doctor I was pretty convinced that I had cervical cancer.  No reason, (well, I guess reason enough to call the Dr. in the first place), but something odd occurs and low and behold I am dying.  But the minute a DR suggests something, watch out.  Because I will have every symptom that goes along with it.  True, I had told Dave yesterday morning that I was feeling quite right before I had any real evidence.  But who doesn't feel a little off every now and then?  Right?

So, I was on my way to work this morning, and had to make a pit stop because I felt sick to my stomach.  Oh, and I was dizzy.  Oh, and I had a really hard time getting out of bed this morning.  And, my boobs might be a little sore.  Sound familiar?  Crazy power of suggestion, right?  So I did what anyone else would do, hop in the car, march my self in to Wal-Mart, straight to the pregnancy test aisle (because that is what the Dr said to do) and confidently grabbed a cheap and generic pregnancy test.  Because who needs an expensive pregnancy test when the possibility that you are actually pregnant is like, NONE!!!  (Totally dejavu from a little less than 5 years ago, but that's another story!!)

But as I so confidently grabbed my test that I was sure to be negative, I saw a young girl standing there just staring.  And I felt bad for her.  Because when you know what you need, you grab and go.  But if you don't know what you need, the pregnancy test aisle could be a tad overwhelming.  So, one might stand and stare.  As if they are scared out of their minds.  And thinking that if they really buy the test, they really may have to take it, and that test could change their lives forever.  And then I thought about my friends who might stand there staring, wanting to buy just the right test and hoping and praying that this will be the test that is positive.  I have never thought about it before, but I bet that the pregnancy test itself may be one of the most life altering purchases a person can make in their lives.

So, off I went to work, a tad bit late for a meeting.  I ran to the bathroom, did my thing, waited approximately thirty seconds, saw this:

swore I would never put a picture of a peed on stick anywhere on the web for anyone else to see, but alas, I did

and there was this:  WOOHOO!!!!  Hallelulujah!!!

So then why did I have all of the "what if" thoughts for the rest of the day?  I knew with 99% certainty that being pregnant was not possible.  But if I had been pregnant, apparently it was a baby that was truly meant to be.  I've had one of those before, a little surprise "gift from God" and she is amazing.  Would it have really been THAT bad?

But, that's not in my cards anymore.  You can "what if" yourself to death and never know.

But what I do know is this.  I have a PERFECT little family of 4.  And that is all I need!


  1. I meant the gory details were personal! And like I said on IG, I had four negative tests before a positive one with G, so anything is possible...

  2. I waited two years for a positive test, and when it finally happened I wigged out. My husband didn't believe it, but after two more tests it finally it was real. You nailed it on the head that buying a pregnancy test and taking it are life altering.