I had a bad dream last night.
Recently I have been stressing about my tummy fat, I have sort of gone back on the "diabetic" diet, and I have also been reading a book about a girl who had died a couple of days after delivering a stillborn baby. Add those things together and you get my bad dream. Kind of.
In my dream, I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. Apparently, I had no idea and remembering saying, "well, I guess that explains my fat tummy," to which the nurse replied, "nope, the baby is not yet down in your stomach." (HUH?) And then I remembered that I couldn't be pregnant because when Taya was born I had my tubes tied. To which she explained that sometimes they come untied and heal back together. (HUH? I mean, I guess that is possible, but I actually read the surgical report and I can tell you that they are tied in figure eights, which I imagine would be hard to come "untied" but I guess stranger things have happened.) And then I said, "oh, and my husband had a vasectomy, so this really isn't possible." (HUH? He definitely has not had a vasectomy. I took that one for the team, so why would that be in my dream?) But, I had apparently remembered that my boobs had been quite tingly lately, so at least I had something to go by. (Again, HUH? Have my boobs been tingly lately, and if so, should I be concerned?) So, apparently, I was pregnant by some sort of miracle.
I then remember thinking that I had no idea what we were going to do with a baby. We have been out of the baby phase for a couple of years. We have NO baby things. And I have a 4 year old who will not even let me go near a baby, so how am I going to take care of a baby. And I can no longer breast feed a baby, so how in the world was I going to get the baby mama milk, and also, how do you lose baby weight if you don't breast feed? And oh crap, I have diabetes again!
And then I remember thinking "when should I post this on Facebook?" (HUH? Because that's important, how I am going to tell the world.) And what would the girls at work think when they had to cover my maternity leave? And what would my friends think? And my family? And did I mention, "WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO WITH A BABY???"
And then, I think I woke up. Thank Goodness! I can't imagine being pregnant at 37. I can't imagine going through the baby stage again. I can't imagine not being able to feed my baby. I can't imagine Taya not being my baby.
But the truth is, I probably wouldn't mind so much. :)