I currently weigh more than I have ever weighed in my adult life (minus being 9 months pregnant, but not too far off.) And, I am extremely uncomfortable about the numbers. So, I have stopped looking. When I go to the doctor, I face backwards and ask them not to tell me. I have had blood work done and I am still free of diabetes, and although my thyroid is low, it's not medication worthy. There is no explanation for my weight gain besides this... I'm reaching 40. That's the only explanation.
And, it sucks. Because I am probably in best shape that I have ever been. I can survive 2 hour long back to back Zumba and Boot Camp classes. I eat healthy and don't overeat. I lay off of carbs when I have a choice. And the numbers keep rising.
But recently I had a small moment of perspective. I was watching a video that I was in, but not really. I was kind of in the background. But, I knew that at one point I walked in front of the camera. So here I am watching said video and I see a woman walking across the stage with long straight dark hair wearing the same shirt as me... And I almost started crying. In that moment I questioned how I could ever let myself get that way. When did I start looking like that? How did I not see myself that way when I looked I the mirror? And, what the hell???
And about 2 seconds later another woman with long, straight dark hair walked in front of the camera. And again, I almost started crying. But this time, from relief. Because that woman looked normal. She didn't look 20 pounds overweight. She didn't look like she had let herself go. By no means did she look perfect, but she looked average.
And here's the deal. Looking back I remember the lady who walked out in front of me. She was beautiful, and normal. She wasn't super skinny, but she wasn't super heavy. She was pretty average sized in the scope of society.
I recently heard that the average woman weighs 175 pounds. In comparison to all of those 115, 120 pound women out there, that's a damn lot. But there's a lot of other women out there who would love nothing more than to weigh in at 175. And guess what? My size 8 instructor with the flawless legs? She weighs 180!
I may weigh more than I ever have. I may have more tummy fat than I have ever dreamed I would. But a small change in perspective and for a few minutes, I felt pretty damn good about myself.
And...I have 3 very amazing people who live in my house that love me for who I am. So, for 2014, screw the scale! Who really needs it anyway?