...bittersweet...

You know how it goes when you are totally taken by surprise by overwhelming emotions...

It happened today.

I mean, I had thought about it.  I had thought through it.  And I really hadn't had any inclination that it was going to hit me.  But it did.  And it hurt.  And it threw me in to a mess.

And this was it...

That little tan coat contains my baby girl!

My baby girl was going on a field trip.  On a real bus.  Without seat belts.  On the Interstate.  Without her mama to protect her.

OH MY GOSH!  What the heck happened to that baby that I have?  It. Is. Not. Possible. that my baby is big enough for this to happen.

The moment it hit me was when I was taking her picture at school, and getting ready to leave.  And that panic moment took over, and a lump formed in my throat, and I wasn't sure how the heck I was going to make it through the day.

...the moment...

(At that point it didn't really matter that Dave was going to follow the bus or accompany her on the field  trip and take pictures and all that, it only mattered that my baby was getting on that big 'ole bus and drive ON THE INTERSTATE for like f-o-r-t-y miles!!!)

Knowing that I was going to be the only one in the office, and knowing that I really couldn't bare to be alone with my crazy mom thoughts, I packed up everything I would need for the day and headed to my place of comfort.  The place where I knew that people would love me and accept me despite my crazy...because I was heading back to the place where my peeps are...the elementary school that I was based out of for the last 2 years.

But on the way there, I did what any other insane mom in a panic would do... I stopped by the local Target and bought some new office supplies to organize a project that I had been working on...because I was pretty sure at that time, I was in DESPERATE need of an office supply fix, and that may be the only thing that was going to take my mind off of the bus that would be passing by at any minute...

(Oh, and I did text G to tell her that I was in need of some sensory via a big, tight hug.)

And truth be told...I was insanely jealous of my husband.  Who got to be with her.  On her first field trip.  While I worked.

But...she had a great time.  He had a great time.  And I am so happy for both of them.

And not only did I survive the day, but I ended up having a good day.

And now, I can't wait for us to go as a family.

...