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...please God let them remember...

...that I love them and their daddy more than anything in this entire world.

...that I snuggle them daily and that they will always have a Mama lap and Mama arms to find comfort in.

...that nighttime is so important, and that every possible day I tuck them in and stay with them until they are sleeping.

...that there is nothing too big that we can't tackle together.

...that everything they say, do, or make is important.

...that their Mama wants them to grow up and be best friends.

...that I never want to spend a minute in my life without them in it.

...that no matter what, I will choose our family of four every single time.

...that they have made me who I am.

...that they have the most beautiful souls.

...that my Mama love is unconditional.

...that I kiss and love on them every day that I physically can.

...that they are so, so important.

...that God loves them.

...that their daddy loves them.

...that they were the greatest gifts that I have ever received.

And then help them forget all of the times that I disappointed them, or scared them, or hurt them.  Help them to not remember the Mama fail moments that creep back into my heart and soul.  

...

…my little secret...

I have this little thing that may not seem like much to anyone else, but it is a BIG deal to me.  Because, I love a good deal.  And by good deal, I mean, I like to get awesome things for dirt cheap…or better yet, FREE!!

I have a little secret that I keep from my friends.  (Except one, because there is no competition there as her kids are a lot younger than mine.)  There is this little hole in the wall resale shop in my town that the girls and I stumbled upon one day a couple of years ago.  And 3-4 times a year, we go in and shop for clothes for them.  But the thing with this particular little shop is that there is a consigner there that dresses her kids in name brand clothes…and her kids must be a couple of years older than mine, because we ALWAYS find a load of name brand, great condition clothes for dirt cheap.

I am by no means a clothes snob.  And, I don't want my kids to think that if they like something from Wal-Mart they can't have it, just because it's from Wal-Mart.  BUT, when I buy from a re-sale shop, I tend to be pretty particular.  (Probably because the clothes from Gap and Limited, Too tend to hold up a little better?)  And lets be honest, sometimes you COULD end up paying more for used clothes at the resale shop than it may have originally cost elsewhere if it was clearanced out.  But the clothes we find are awesome.  And even if the kids only wear it a couple of times, it was totally worth the $1-3 that I paid for it!

We had a snow day today and the girls convinced me to head to the store.  So we did, and for $44, we scored the following:  2 snow suits (1 brand new), 2 robes, a super cute Gap hoodie (hoody?), a super cute Gap sweater vest with a hood, and Old Navy puffer vest, and a pair of Nike Shox in great condition.  Score!!

But, I also have another secret.  I literally pay nothing for brand new clothes for my kids.  And, I get a lot of my work clothes for free too.

Several years ago, I opened a Gap Card.  We literally put everything but our bills on our credit card  every month and pay it off.  In return, we get anywhere from $50-$150 a month in Rewards that we can spend at Old Navy or Gap.  I happen to love the length of the tall dress pants from Gap, and there are plenty of cute kids clothes between the two stores to choose from, so it is a definite Win-Win!

Today, I decided I needed some new work-out clothes.  I scored a 40% off active wear sale and for $13 and free shipping got the following:  3 work-out tanks, 3 work-out bottoms for myself, a pair of yoga pants for T, two pairs of yoga pants for M, 2 pairs of jeans for T, and one pair of jeans for M.  AND, I still have reward $ left!  HOLLA!!!

Bargain shopping, indeed!!!

...

...NYE 2013...

The girls and I have been home since 9:30.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  In fact, if I could only pick 2 people to spend NYE with, they would be the 2. :). I kind of love them.

With only 1 and a 1/2 hours left of 2013... I am thinking how thankful I am for our little family of four (+2).  We are happy and healthy and our needs are met.  What more could I ask for?

2014...I'm hoping you have more great things in store for us!

...

...it is well...

I have been struggling emotionally since yesterday afternoon when I found out that a family from Dave's hometown lost a 5 year old in a car accident.  We know the extended family, but I do not personally know the family of four that was rocked by this tragedy.  The story is simple, no one was to blame.  The car that the mom was driving hit black ice and rolled.  The mom and infant were fine.  The 5 year old little boy was not.

I laid in bed awake last night struggling.  As a mom, my heart is broken for this mom.  The rest of the family too, but especially the mom.  I cannot even begin to fathom how she is surviving.  How she is still breathing.  How strong she must be to  even take her next breath.

Dave came in and was attempting to reassure me.  It didn't work.  And I found myself praying for her, and her family, and then proceeding to ask God to please recognize that I am not strong enough to ever lose one of my children.  And if He ever needs to take one, to please take me too.  

I didn't sleep well last night and consequently slept later than intended this morning.  I didn't feel great, but got up and went to church anyway.

In the past 14 months that I have been going to Creekside, I can count on one hand the number of old hymns that have been sung by the worship band.  And I have commented on numerous occasions how much this Southern Baptist heart missed hearing hymns.

To my surprise, this morning was different.  Imagine my surprise at hearing this...

When peace like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

What ever my lot you have taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul

Though the devil will ruin, though trials may come

Let this blessed assurance control

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate

And He shed His own blood for my soul

It is well, with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin not in part but the whole

Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

It is well, with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

And Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight

And the clouds be rolled back as a scroll

The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend

Even so, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

Followed by:

1. Jesus loves me! This I know,
   For the Bible tells me so;
   Little ones to Him belong;
   They are weak, but He is strong;
• Yes, Jesus loves me!
  Yes, Jesus loves me!
  Yes, Jesus loves me!
  The Bible tells me so.

Which brought on a lot of tears for me.  I honestly can't think of two more perfect songs to help my soul today.  It's crazy when God speaks to you loud and clear. There was confirmation that I cannot hold on to this and perseverate...it must be well with MY soul.  And in case I needed confirmation, I was able to visualize this little boy in God's arms saying, I'm ok.  Jesus loves me.  I'm with Him now.

As for this family, it may take a lifetime for their souls to heal.  And I will continue to pray for them always... 

My heart is still broken for them; but for my own soul, the soul that tends to worry, I am giving this back to Him.  There are things in this life that I can control, and things that I cannot.  It has been and will continue to be a concept that I struggle with.  But I am learning...

Three years ago I walked in to the office of the pastor of my previous church with a very, very heavy heart.  At a very young age, Taya looked at me and very seriously said, "Mommy, I am going to die soon.  Black truck is going to get crunched."  I panicked and refused to let her be in black truck for weeks.  And it consumed me.  But at my pastors advice, I had to let it go.  I could try to protect her as much as possible, but I didn't have control.  And I had to give it to God.

I honestly think that this will be something I have to work on my entire life.  Getting these small reminders, it helps.  I may not ever understand why tragedy happens.  But, when it does I hope to always get these in your face reaffirmations of His love.

...

...perspective...

I have recently been struggling with my weight.  I have done the diet thing, personal trainer thing, given up thing, and most recently I have begun taking Boot Camp and Zumba classes in town.  I love the latter the most.  Our instructor is super motivating and had been overweight her entire life and now has the most amazing legs!

I currently weigh more than I have ever weighed in my adult life (minus being 9 months pregnant, but not too far off.) And, I am extremely uncomfortable about the numbers.  So, I have stopped looking.  When I go to the doctor, I face backwards and ask them not to tell me.  I have had blood work done and I am still free of diabetes, and although my thyroid is low, it's not medication worthy.  There is no explanation for my weight gain besides this... I'm reaching 40.  That's the only explanation.

And, it sucks.  Because I am probably in best shape that I have ever been.  I can survive 2 hour long back to back Zumba and Boot Camp classes.  I eat healthy and don't overeat.  I lay off of carbs when I have a choice.  And the numbers keep rising.

But recently I had a small moment of perspective.  I was watching a video that I was in, but not really.  I was kind of in the background.  But, I knew that at one point I walked in front of the camera.  So here I am watching said video and I see a woman walking across the stage with long straight dark hair wearing the same shirt as me... And I almost started crying.  In that moment I questioned how I could ever let myself get that way.  When did I start looking like that?  How did I not see myself that way when I looked I the mirror?  And, what the hell???

And about 2 seconds later another woman with long, straight dark hair walked in front of the camera.  And again, I almost started crying.  But this time, from relief.  Because that woman looked normal.  She didn't look 20 pounds overweight.  She didn't look like she had let herself go.  By no means did she look perfect, but she looked average.

And here's the deal.  Looking back I remember the lady who walked out in front of me.  She was beautiful, and normal.  She wasn't super skinny, but she wasn't super heavy.  She was pretty average sized in the scope of society.

I recently heard that the average woman weighs 175 pounds.  In comparison to all of those 115, 120 pound women out there, that's a damn lot.  But there's a lot of other women out there who would love nothing more than to weigh in at 175.  And guess what?  My size 8 instructor with the flawless legs?  She weighs 180!

I may weigh more than I ever have.  I may have more tummy fat than I have ever dreamed I would.  But a small change in perspective and for a few minutes, I felt pretty  damn good about myself. 

And...I have 3 very amazing people who live in my house that love me for who I am.  So, for 2014, screw the scale!  Who really needs it anyway?

...

…the VSFS tradition...

I have posted before that we aren't really a "tradition" type of family.  We have our annual Pumpkin Patch Trip with the Petersmeyer's, we always put up our Christmas Trees on Thanksgiving night, and we have started the Elf on the Shelf yearly with our girls.  I would say those are "typical" traditions.  But here in the Owens homestead, we have a somewhat unusual family tradition.  We start getting excited around Thansksgiving and wait for mid-December for it to occur.   We set the DVR and wait for the first weekend night that we can all bundle up on the couch together to watch.  I am sure that we could be criticized for our parenting on this one, but seriously, we all love it just the same and ooh and aah and pick our favorites. 

It is this…

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show!!!!!

The girls love to watch the Angels, and think nothing about the fact that they are for the most part in bras and panties.  We talk about how beautiful the women are, but also that not everyone looks like that.  When they say that they want to be an Angel when they grow up, we say we would support that. We talk about the creativity and how much work is put in to it.  And of course, there was Taylor Swift this year!  Who doesn't love her and think she is amazing?

We get that some people would find this type of tradition repulsive.  But for us, it is one of our favorite days of the year.  3 years strong!!!

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